Provisionary Love

Well, I know it's been well over a week since I last posted, and I wanted it to be more frequently. However, I want to point to the fact that my past record reveals an in-between-posts time of months and months. So, if we go by improvement, I am definitely making strides.

I don't have anything earth-shatteringly brilliant and insightful to share with you today. In fact, I may never have anything like that to share with you. But, I do have a testimony of provisionary love that my Father has showered on my life. I know last time that I mentioned I had been going through some challenges in life that were stretching me, growing me, pushing me to a deeper dependence on my God. And I am hesitant to get specific about exactly what those struggles have been because life is not about our struggles, but about the loving Savior who pulls us out of them, walks through them with us, and teaches us to delight and have joy in our struggles because of what He does through them. So, without getting too specific, I want to share with you a simple story of my amazing God who has provided for us in ways unimaginable. To Him be the glory!

It's not a big secret that if you work in minstry that you aren't getting rich. My husband, Eric, works in ministry, and it is a ministry that God has used mightily in his life and in our life together for provision. He has a great job that is stable, he loves his work, he loves his co-workers, he loves the men he serves and the God who has allowed him to serve for a living. We are so grateful for his work and ministry. It is a great and wonderful delight of our household. However, his ministry is funded through donations and they have a lot of expenses. In times like these, that trickles down to the employees who are serving heartily to the Lord and thankful for the wages they receive. Let us remember that anything other than death is a blessing because that is what we deserve apart from Jesus. But life costs money and money we do not have a lot of because I am going back to school to become an elementary special education teacher. Long story short there: I discovered a heart within me that loves working with children with disabilities. It can be a dark place and God has asked me to be a light there for Him. I am honored to serve Him there. But again, I am in school full-time and have been unable to work.

So, we are moving to Indy for Eric's job and my schooling, which means we have rent and utilities to pay for the first time since we've been married. That's something He has blessed us with these first two years of marriage: no rent or utilities. However, because of my health and other expenses (paying for a semester's tuition out of pocket, which He bountifully provided), we haven't been able to save a lot of money.

Apparently, though, that doesn't matter with Him. In planning for our move, we have been scratching our heads and, shamefully, shaking them "no" in doubt as to how we could afford to move. We were saying, "We believe, but help our unbelief!" And that He has. This past week Eric was able to use paid vacation days from work to paint a friend's house in order to earn extra money. Provision! I have a babysitting job coming up for a little extra money. Provision! A friend has offered for me to do some work for her on the side that she doesn't have time to do. Provision! We sold our dog's kennel that we never use and won't need in Indy. Provision! I have job possibilities opening up to me for this summer in Indy, a town where I do not currently live and have not had time to even look. Provision!

I don't care if I sound like a broken record because I'd rather be a broken record of praise for my God than a silent child who causes the rocks to cry out. People of God, He is good! People who do not know Him, He is good! And I'm not saying that God has made me healthy, and wealthy, and prosperous. I am saying that we had a need that couldn't be filled by what we could physically see (our bank account, Eric's job, our bills), but He said "Trust me to provide," and He did! He has never given us a reason to doubt His provisionary love for us. So, if you are facing doubt of His provision: how can I pay this?, where is that money going to come from?, etc, etc, etc, I am here to remind you of His faithfulness to His children. If you are looking for specific Scriptures for encouragement on the matter, then you can refer back to my previous blog entry or even send me a message. But please know that He makes a way for His obedient children. We have learned to trust Him more than ever before. Put yourself in His hands and rest in His provisionary love for you, His child.

I pray you don't have the doubts mentioned in a song by Derek Webb:
"I thought the cattle on a thousand hills was not enough to pay my bills."

The cattle are His, all is His, and He will never leave you nor forsake you.

All glory and praise to Jehovah Jirah, my Provider.