Painful Contentment

Today, I complained to a classmate that I didn't want to be an adult anymore. I want to just revert back to a much relaxed, easy-going, no-weight-on-her-shoulders version of myself. But that's just immaturity talking because either Jim or Elisabeth Elliot once said that avoiding responsibility was a mark of immaturity...ouch, so true. So while I know that I can't become a 16-year-old version of myself again, and when I actually put some thought into it, I don't really want to, I do want some weight lifted. Lately, I have been blessed, and I say that a bit begrudgingly because I am still a work in progress on the matter, to experience hardship. Just when it seems as though I will bust at the seams, He throws something else onto my pile and reminds me of 1 Cor 10:13--No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God [is] faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear [it]. So it seems that I won't bust, even though my feelings are screaming otherwise. Thus, I choose to ignore my feelings this time because they are out of touch with the reality of God's Word. It truly is amazing to see how much God knows I can handle. I had no idea! So back to the point I wanted to share with you today....

I have been under some various hardships, but I know they pale in comparison to others around me so we (He and I) are working on my complaining...because I do it a lot (refer to opening sentence). Either way, I am experiencing this heaviness in my life and in my heart and it is so intense to me that it is saddening and I want the easy way out, to just experience some relief. And then, He does it. He says the one thing that I need to hear and something profound begins to make sense in my life in a way it never has before. He reminded me that I am His child. Okay, Dad, check. I got it. And then He asked me, "Do you remember what it was like when you were a child? Do you ever remember worrying about your life? How will you pay this or that, how will you every find the time for such and such, how, how, how?" No, I never lived like that as a child. It never crossed my mind to check the bank account and ask my parents if we had enough money for the bills. They took care of it. And while I was a child who was concerned with homework and the like, I didn't worry the way I do now. (Side note: I acknowledge worry as a sin, and I confess it and choose to turn away, but I come back to the worry pile easily and frequently. I think God was showing me a way of mentally repenting from worry). And then He made the connection for me...You are MY child and you DO NOT WORRY about how I will take care of you. Have the faith of a child whose Father cares and loves for her the way He should. Trust that I will provide and leave it all in My hands.

Okay, that may not seem profound to you, but it was to me. God showed me a very practical way to live as a child of faith, a child who lives her life not worrying about her life because it is the hands of perfect love. And He spoke it to me so wonderfully and gently in my time of fragility. It meant so much and I hope He can touch your heart with it as well.

Also, I would like this to serve as my public declaration of my repentance from worry and complaining. It won't be easy, but anything worth having never is. So, please, hold me accountable, pray for my battle against this fallen flesh I live in that desires to lift up self and live a life of comfort and ease that looks like the world around it. That's not my calling as a child of God.

Other Scriptures He has encouraged me with:

No one can serve two masters; for either he will hate the one and love the other, or else he will be loyal to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and mammon.Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing?Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature? So why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. Now if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, [will He] not much more [clothe] you, O you of little faith?Therefore do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?'For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. herefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day [is] its own trouble. ---Matthew 6:24-34

[Let your] conduct [be] without covetousness; [be] content with such things as you have. For He Himself has said, "I will never leave you nor forsake you." ---Hebrews 13:5

I know I am on the Potter's wheel right now, being molded and shaped to look more like Him. I pray that I persevere, run the race with endurance, and most of all, glorify my King.

For His renown!