It seems that my life can be separated into periods of time where it is characterized by certain themes or ideas, especially in relation to God. For instance, at times the things I am learning in life may emphasize God as my Provider, as my Husband, as my Father. Right now I have been experiencing a recurring theme of having an increase in faith in God. I have always felt as though my faith was so small that there was nothing that could be done with it. This past year, though, God has provided for us and done more than I could have imagined. My faith has been strengthened and He has been challenging me to believe that my faith is honored by Him. That's hard to understand because I am in my own head, hearing my doubtful thoughts and my lack of belief that God can do more than I could ever hope. I have said this phrase more times than I could count: Lord, I believe; help my unbelief. That is the story of my life.
I do want to clarify that though I claim this faith as "my own," I fully acknowledge that it does not originate with me. Any and all faith that I have is a gift from God, as a result of his glorious grace and mercy towards me. I know my heart apart from Him and it's wickedly deceitful, not seeking after God, not desiring to know Him and believe in His name. Trust me, I lived as a slave to it for 15 years...not a pretty sight. So, "my faith" is actually the faith that God has bestowed upon me through His Spirit and it is not of me; it is heavenly, supernatural, and eternal. For that, I am grateful.
So lately I have had a few people in my life who are very dear to me undergo some very painful life experiences. So many times I have been in prayer for them just asking Jesus to give me something to say. I have been baffled as to what to do, say, or think. Nothing prepares you for dealing with those things for the first time, except of course dealing with them. And I have come to find that I am not prone to just sitting and watching from the sidelines in such situations. My heart and mind ache to take action, to fight for injustice, to stand up and speak the Truth, to swoop in and save the day. BUT, I have also learned that this is not always my role. I have been humbled to find that the greatest help I can provide is to say nothing to those hurting, to do nothing physically on their behalf, but rather go to Him in secret prayer. It hurts to feel helpless. I also know that this so-called helplessness is a lie from the enemy to keep me from praying. If he can convince me that praying is helpless, then I will be less likely to pray. It's a good thing God has been encouraging me otherwise.
He has challenged me lately to have faith on behalf of others. A few years ago I may not have been so open to this foreign idea. However, I read a book by Stormie Omartian called The Power of a Praying Wife, and in it she spoke of praying for her husband with a faith that he did not yet have in a situation. She had instances where God honored the faith she had as his wife and moved in that area of his life anyway.....:) I'm glad He does that. And if you press yourself to think about this concept in other contexts, it will begin to make sense. I know people were praying for me before Iknew the Lord. My best friend's family supported me, and no doubt prayed for me, to go on the Chrysalis weekend (a Christian retreat for teenagers) where I came to Jesus, and I finally saw that He had come to me long before that April of 2001. And I know of numerous people who prayed for my husband to come out of his addiction before he did. Now, he's been following the Lord faithfully and soberly for nearly 5 years. So, I know there are those, known and unknown, who have prayed for us when we didn't have faith, when we couldn't have faith because we were living apart from God.
So I am sharing this with you as a challenge.
Jesus said to His disciples after they could not cast out a demon and they inquired as to why, "Because of your unbelief; for assuredly, I say to you, if you have faith as a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move; and nothing will be impossible for you." -Matthew 17:19-20
Do you know how small a mustard seed is? I do. I was given a necklace a few years back with a mustard seed inside of it. It looks like this:
(Here it is with respect to the size of my hand)
A mustard seed is quite tiny; however, Jesus said that if you have faith of even that size that you can move a mountain. Well, believe that the faith that you have is enough. Pray for it to be increased and for God to honor the faith you have. If you have someone in your life who is in what they believe to be a hopeless situation, pray and believe on their behalf. If you are a child of God, will He not listen to you as the loving Father that He is? Who do you know that has a mountain in their life that is preventing them from moving forward? If you have faith, even as a mustard seed, you can move mountains....they will obey and move.
So, I encourage you to continue to pray for those difficult situations, those prayers that seem impossible to you, but you know nothing is impossible for God. Lift them up in hope and in confidence of the One you serve, believe in, and live for. And if you aren't praying for those things, I exhort you to begin. You won't have to look far into your life, or the lives around you, to find deep hurt and hopelessness. Be the hope that Jesus is in your life to them. Show them where hope lies, which is not in circumstances, but in He who is sovereign over all circumstances. Grab your mustard seeds and start moving those mountains!
Well, I know it's been well over a week since I last posted, and I wanted it to be more frequently. However, I want to point to the fact that my past record reveals an in-between-posts time of months and months. So, if we go by improvement, I am definitely making strides.
I don't have anything earth-shatteringly brilliant and insightful to share with you today. In fact, I may never have anything like that to share with you. But, I do have a testimony of provisionary love that my Father has showered on my life. I know last time that I mentioned I had been going through some challenges in life that were stretching me, growing me, pushing me to a deeper dependence on my God. And I am hesitant to get specific about exactly what those struggles have been because life is not about our struggles, but about the loving Savior who pulls us out of them, walks through them with us, and teaches us to delight and have joy in our struggles because of what He does through them. So, without getting too specific, I want to share with you a simple story of my amazing God who has provided for us in ways unimaginable. To Him be the glory!
It's not a big secret that if you work in minstry that you aren't getting rich. My husband, Eric, works in ministry, and it is a ministry that God has used mightily in his life and in our life together for provision. He has a great job that is stable, he loves his work, he loves his co-workers, he loves the men he serves and the God who has allowed him to serve for a living. We are so grateful for his work and ministry. It is a great and wonderful delight of our household. However, his ministry is funded through donations and they have a lot of expenses. In times like these, that trickles down to the employees who are serving heartily to the Lord and thankful for the wages they receive. Let us remember that anything other than death is a blessing because that is what we deserve apart from Jesus. But life costs money and money we do not have a lot of because I am going back to school to become an elementary special education teacher. Long story short there: I discovered a heart within me that loves working with children with disabilities. It can be a dark place and God has asked me to be a light there for Him. I am honored to serve Him there. But again, I am in school full-time and have been unable to work.
So, we are moving to Indy for Eric's job and my schooling, which means we have rent and utilities to pay for the first time since we've been married. That's something He has blessed us with these first two years of marriage: no rent or utilities. However, because of my health and other expenses (paying for a semester's tuition out of pocket, which He bountifully provided), we haven't been able to save a lot of money.
Apparently, though, that doesn't matter with Him. In planning for our move, we have been scratching our heads and, shamefully, shaking them "no" in doubt as to how we could afford to move. We were saying, "We believe, but help our unbelief!" And that He has. This past week Eric was able to use paid vacation days from work to paint a friend's house in order to earn extra money. Provision! I have a babysitting job coming up for a little extra money. Provision! A friend has offered for me to do some work for her on the side that she doesn't have time to do. Provision! We sold our dog's kennel that we never use and won't need in Indy. Provision! I have job possibilities opening up to me for this summer in Indy, a town where I do not currently live and have not had time to even look. Provision!
I don't care if I sound like a broken record because I'd rather be a broken record of praise for my God than a silent child who causes the rocks to cry out. People of God, He is good! People who do not know Him, He is good! And I'm not saying that God has made me healthy, and wealthy, and prosperous. I am saying that we had a need that couldn't be filled by what we could physically see (our bank account, Eric's job, our bills), but He said "Trust me to provide," and He did! He has never given us a reason to doubt His provisionary love for us. So, if you are facing doubt of His provision: how can I pay this?, where is that money going to come from?, etc, etc, etc, I am here to remind you of His faithfulness to His children. If you are looking for specific Scriptures for encouragement on the matter, then you can refer back to my previous blog entry or even send me a message. But please know that He makes a way for His obedient children. We have learned to trust Him more than ever before. Put yourself in His hands and rest in His provisionary love for you, His child.
I pray you don't have the doubts mentioned in a song by Derek Webb:
"I thought the cattle on a thousand hills was not enough to pay my bills."
The cattle are His, all is His, and He will never leave you nor forsake you.
All glory and praise to Jehovah Jirah, my Provider.
Today, I complained to a classmate that I didn't want to be an adult anymore. I want to just revert back to a much relaxed, easy-going, no-weight-on-her-shoulders version of myself. But that's just immaturity talking because either Jim or Elisabeth Elliot once said that avoiding responsibility was a mark of immaturity...ouch, so true. So while I know that I can't become a 16-year-old version of myself again, and when I actually put some thought into it, I don't really want to, I do want some weight lifted. Lately, I have been blessed, and I say that a bit begrudgingly because I am still a work in progress on the matter, to experience hardship. Just when it seems as though I will bust at the seams, He throws something else onto my pile and reminds me of 1 Cor 10:13--No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God [is] faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear [it]. So it seems that I won't bust, even though my feelings are screaming otherwise. Thus, I choose to ignore my feelings this time because they are out of touch with the reality of God's Word. It truly is amazing to see how much God knows I can handle. I had no idea! So back to the point I wanted to share with you today....
I have been under some various hardships, but I know they pale in comparison to others around me so we (He and I) are working on my complaining...because I do it a lot (refer to opening sentence). Either way, I am experiencing this heaviness in my life and in my heart and it is so intense to me that it is saddening and I want the easy way out, to just experience some relief. And then, He does it. He says the one thing that I need to hear and something profound begins to make sense in my life in a way it never has before. He reminded me that I am His child. Okay, Dad, check. I got it. And then He asked me, "Do you remember what it was like when you were a child? Do you ever remember worrying about your life? How will you pay this or that, how will you every find the time for such and such, how, how, how?" No, I never lived like that as a child. It never crossed my mind to check the bank account and ask my parents if we had enough money for the bills. They took care of it. And while I was a child who was concerned with homework and the like, I didn't worry the way I do now. (Side note: I acknowledge worry as a sin, and I confess it and choose to turn away, but I come back to the worry pile easily and frequently. I think God was showing me a way of mentally repenting from worry). And then He made the connection for me...You are MY child and you DO NOT WORRY about how I will take care of you. Have the faith of a child whose Father cares and loves for her the way He should. Trust that I will provide and leave it all in My hands.
Okay, that may not seem profound to you, but it was to me. God showed me a very practical way to live as a child of faith, a child who lives her life not worrying about her life because it is the hands of perfect love. And He spoke it to me so wonderfully and gently in my time of fragility. It meant so much and I hope He can touch your heart with it as well.
Also, I would like this to serve as my public declaration of my repentance from worry and complaining. It won't be easy, but anything worth having never is. So, please, hold me accountable, pray for my battle against this fallen flesh I live in that desires to lift up self and live a life of comfort and ease that looks like the world around it. That's not my calling as a child of God.
Other Scriptures He has encouraged me with:
No one can serve two masters; for either he will hate the one and love the other, or else he will be loyal to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and mammon.Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing?Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature? So why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. Now if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, [will He] not much more [clothe] you, O you of little faith?Therefore do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?'For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. herefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day [is] its own trouble. ---Matthew 6:24-34
[Let your] conduct [be] without covetousness; [be] content with such things as you have. For He Himself has said, "I will never leave you nor forsake you." ---Hebrews 13:5I know I am on the Potter's wheel right now, being molded and shaped to look more like Him. I pray that I persevere, run the race with endurance, and most of all, glorify my King.
For His renown!
I am not the best at keeping resolutions. I'm not talking about New Year's resolutions (since that is apparently just around the corner and I refuse to make them because to me they are a fad, a conforming, or maybe I just don't like them or January), but rather the things I resolve within myself that I am going to do daily. "I am going to get up extra early even when I don't have to in order to clean the house." "I am going to the gym twice today." "I am going to the gym today period." You know, things like that. I am telling you this to accomplish a few things I guess. One, I am establishing a connection with you. You now know a little something more about me or this is the only thing you know about me (which is actually a fear because I desire to be known for greatness though I might have none). Two, I meant to update this blog regularly when I started it back in 2006...."I will start this blog and I will blog all the time and I will become one of those people who is a consistent blogger." Wrong. Also, I meant to post this particular blog nearly a month ago. I was sitting at home alone, reading through Ephesians 1 and had some interesting thoughts about it (at least in my somewhat-biased opinion). And then I thought, I should share this, put this all out there for people to read, discover, pick apart, agree with, disagree with, wrestle with....whatever have you. Thus, I ask for your apology...those of you who planned on doing such things and couldn't because I am horrible at keeping my resolutions. I use the New King James Translation most of the time. Occasionally I consult other translations (ESV, NASB, and rarely NIV) in order to better understand something or to look at it from a different angle. However, with Ephesians 1 and this particular post (and all others I'd imagine as well) I will refer to the NKJV. Do you want to know why? I mean, if I was reading this and I didn't know me, I might ask that question. Well, it's accurate, fairly to the left when it comes to its degree of literal translation from the original text, and it's poetic and beautiful to me. Some days the words seem as if they were written to specifically speak to my mind and heart in a way that is deep, intimate, and full of impact. Have I rambled enough for you?
Ephesians 1
*In verse 3 Paul reminds the believers in Ephesus that in Christ they have been blessed with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places. How encouraging! Not some, or most, but every spiritual blessing. I know at times I focus so much on what God has yet to give me or mature in me. Reading this is a reminder that we've been given His Son, and in Him is every spiritual blessing. And not just every spiritual blessing we can think of or ask for or want....but every spiritual blessing.
*Verse 4: He (God) chose us (His children) in Him (Jesus). I think the important part here is not so much to get wrapped up in free will and predestination, but rather that Paul says here that we are chosen, and it only occurs in Christ Jesus. To me, this magnifies the importance and the necessity of putting Christ at the center of not only our lives, but of Christianity. The outside world looking in at Christians sees too much of me and you and our own selfish agendas and not enough of Jesus...He's who everything, and I mean everything, is about anyway. How can we call ourselves Christians, little Christs, if we make our "following of Jesus" all about us, our church, our music, and full coffee bar service. We were chosen and it was done in Jesus.
*Verse 5: Similar to v. 4, it speaks of how "He predestined us to adoption as sons." And again, let's not allow the word "predestined" to dominate the idea of this verse, but rather adoption. Adoption, to me, means that we were once orphaned, without our Father, without a home. Now though, we have been grafted in to the kingdom of God as sons. And Paul isn't being sexist by only saying "sons" and I don't think that it's our job to add "daughters" so that we feel better about how politically correct we can be. He said sons for a reason. In Paul's culture, daughters did not receive the family inheritance, only the sons did. We want to be considered sons in this way because God has made us His sons, co-heirs with Jesus (His Son) in His inheritance. This predestining and adoption is said to be done "according to the good pleasure of His will." This phrase means so much to me because I fall into this lie that I have to figure out God's will. That it is some mystery for me to solve or a code for me to crack. Most of the time, we just need to focus on the things we know are in God's will for us: to know Him, to worship Him, etc. He has revealed His will to us already in His Word.
*Verse 6: Our adoption was to the praise of the glory of His grace. His grace is so glorious and we get to be a testimony to that.
*Verses 7 and 8: His grace, which we see in v. 6 is glorious and is worthy of praise, abounds toward us. Paul doesn't just mention that God's grace abounds, but he reminds us that God's grace has a direction in which it abounds and that direction is those who have been chosen in Him.
*Verse 9: "...having made known to us the mystery of His will." This echoes the end of v. 5. God has revealed His will to us--Jesus, the Messiah. Prophet after prophet, patriarch after patriarch waited to see God's redemptive plan, His will. And we have Him. He has lived, died, rose again, and we know Him. Salvation is in Jesus. He has been revealed--the mystery of God's fullness walked among us. We get so stuck on knowing God's will for this or that. I'm not saying that we shouldn't diligently seek God in humility concerning every jot and tittle of our lives, because I think we should be doing that. Only we mustn't forget that the mystery of God's will has been revealed to us!
*A little side note concerning this further. God's will for our lives is His Son Jesus. To receive Him as the Lord of our lives, acknowledge Him as Savior by accepting His substitutionary death on the cross for our sins, repenting (turning away from our sins and back to God), walking with God, talking with Him, becoming more like Him, being in an intimate relationship with Him...that is God's will. (Please don't take what I say to extremes or read into this by assuming that because Jesus is God's will for our lives that everyone is saved...I am not saying that.) All of that to say that if you follow Jesus, submitting to Him in your life, walking in His Spirit...can you follow Jesus, even if you don't always know where you are going specifically in life, and end up where He isn't or doesn't want you to be? I think we should focus more on Christ and less on our situations. Cast them at His feet and then jump to your feet to follow Him.
*Verse 9 reminds us that He revealed Himself to us (remember that this is individually and corporately as part of Christ's Bride) according to His good pleasure. It has pleased God, it pleases Him now, and it will continue to please Him to reveal Himself to His creation.
*Verse 13: "In Him you also trusted, after you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation." I think this is a great reminder to us that it was upon hearing the truth, the good news of salvation in Jesus that we trusted in Him. Regardless of your personal experience, this is what I believe Paul is saying occurred. You didn't figure things out, weigh options, have it all make sense. You heard the truth and you only truly heard it because you are chosen and then you put your trust in Jesus because it pleased Him to choose you and make you able. (Romans 3 reminds us that no one is righteous and no one seeks God.)
*Verses 13-14: We were sealed by the Holy Spirit, whom we (and by we I mean I do and I just think that other people somewhere might do it as well...and I have heard evidence of this thinking by the way some people have spoken about how the Spirit works in their lives) often treat as the "conviction burden" or the One who ruins the fleeting fun of our sin because He reminds us of what we are called to. Sure, He is our conviction and our Helper, but that's because He is a promise. His promptings and work in our lives remind us of Christ's promise to come back for us someday. He offers so much hope because He is the guarantee for us that we have an inheritance, that we are chosen by God. We shouldn't quench Him or be burdened by Him--since when are the promises of God burdensome?!? In Him we have love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control.
*Verses 17-23: God has made available to us and is willing to give us: a spirit of wisdom and revelation in the knowledge of Him, enlightening the eyes of our understanding; the hope of His calling; the riches of the glory of his inheritance in the saints; the exceeding greatness of His power toward us who believe, according to the working of His mighty power, which is the same He worked in Christ to raise Him from the dead and seat Him at His right hand--His resurrection power is toward us (The power that took Jesus, who had been scourged, beaten, crucified, and speared to death, and put life back in Him. The power that put Him above all principality and power and might and dominion and every name that is named, not only in this age but also in that which is to come.);all things are under His feet (This refers to His authority over all in the world, and Since we are His Body, they are under us as well, but only in Him.) and He is head (authority, source of life, sustenance) over all things to the church, which is His body, the fullness of Him who fills all in all. (We are the fullness of Christ, who is the fullness of God.)
I just wanted to throw some thoughts out there concerning this chapter of Scripture. I by no means have this all figured out. I pray God lifts up your head to Him and that you, in some way, grow closer to Him by rejoicing in these things.
I recently read this story in a book I've been trying to bring to an end so that I can return it to the public library on time. It really touched my heart and reminded me that being a Christian doesn't mean you'll be like everyone else. And even thinking only of Jesus may set you apart from others who follow Him. I think you'll understand what I mean if you just read on...
An Empty Shell
Philip wasn't like the other children at church. Though he was a pleasant, happy boy, he struggled with things that came easily to other kids. He looked different, too, and everyone knew it was because he had Down syndrome. His Sunday school teacher worked hard to get the third grade class to play together, but Philip's disability made it difficult for him to fit in.
Easter was just around the corner, and the teacher had a wonderful idea for his class. He gathered the big plastic eggs that pantyhose used to come in and gave one to each child. Then, together, they went outside into a beautiful spring day.
"I want each of you to find something that reminds you of Easter--of new life," the teacher explained. "Put it in the egg, and when we get inside we'll share what we found."
The search was glorious. It was confusing. It was wild. The boys and girls ran all over the church grounds gathering their symbols until finally, breathlessly, the eight-year-olds were ready to return inside. They put their eggs on the table, then one by one the teacher began to open them. The children stood around the table watching.
He opened one, and there was a flower. Everybody oohed and aahed.
He opened another and found a butterfly. "Beautiful," the girls all said.
He opened another and out fell a rock. The kids laughed. "A rock?" But the boy who'd found it said, "I knew you would all get flowers and leaves and stuff, so I got a rock cause I wanted to be different. That's new life to me." The kids laughed again.
But when the teacher opened the next egg, the group fell silent. "There's nothing there!" said one child. "That's stupid," said another. "Somebody didn't do it right."
Just then the teacher felt a tug on his shirt and turned to see Philip standing him. "It's mine," Phillip said. "It's mine."
The children said, "You don't ever do things right, Philip. There's nothing there!"
"I did so," Philip said. "I did do it right. It's empty. The tomb is empty!"
There was another silence. A very deep, unlike-eight-year-olds kind of silence. And at that moment a miracle happened. Philip became a part of that third-grade Sunday school class. They took him in. He was set free from the tomb of his differentness. From then on, Philip was their friend.
Three months later, Philip died. His family had known since the time he was born that he wouldn't live out a full life span. An infection that most children would have quickly shrugged off took the life out of his body.
The day of the funeral, the church was filled with people mourning Philip's death. But it was the sight of nine third graders walking down the aisle with their Sunday school teacher that brought tears to most eyes
The children didn't bring flowers. Instead, they marched right up to the altar, and placed on it an empty egg--an empty, old, discarded pantyhose egg.
That's it...I'm ruined. I can't be fixed and I frankly don't want to be. Nothing can be done about this, this way that I feel. It's rooted deeply inside me and I won't budge. I won't change, life will always be this way, it's just who I am and I have to accept it and so do you. People have tried, you know? They've tried to talk me out of this. People who just don't understand. Well, honestly, even I've tried to change things, make them different. Of course it was a vain attempt. This way just isn't a path I walk, it's just even just part of me, it's literally just who I am, part of my being. Sounds so negative doesn't it? I think so. Well, at least this is how it rolls around in my head some days. Which is sad. Seriously. I've shed tears over it. Guys, I love someone so much that it's utterly joyful and terribly aching at the same time. The Richest Affair. It's Him. It's Jesus. He penetrates in ways that no one else ever has or ever could and I'm ruined because of it. Nothing or no one else will ever do. I'm stuck on Him. I just think about Him and being with Him and I'm overwhelmed because I'm so fulfilled and yet still wanting so much all at once. Sorrowful yet always rejoicing. He's better. He's so much better than anything else. He's just BETTER. He's sweeter. And I just want to go and be with Him. I went to the wedding tonight of my two friends and to just see how much they wanted to be together. Not just today, but even months leading up to their blessed union, they just want to be together in their love. Two lovers, ravished by the other and not wanting any other for their own. And so is my heart...aching, longing, calling out to Him. I just want to go. I don't even care what I do: gather at His feet, curl in His lap, fall facedown, dance/sing/laugh for joy with Him, stand in silent submission. You know, it just doesn't matter any more. It really doesn't and I'm not sure it ever really did. I just want to BE with Him. And the Book of Revelation talks about that day. That blessed day that is promised to come and bring together the glorious Bridegroom with His pure and spotless Bride. In chapter 4, the Word proclaims our promise of worshipping the King in His very presence, falling down before Him in humble adoration and wondrous rejoicing. And so I want that. I pray that day comes quickly. Haste that blessed day, Lord. And I want that promise so deeply that my spirit cries out for the place I was made for. And I seriously ask the Lord why I can't just come to be with Him now. Why, Lord, why? And He says that He has plans. Plans? Let's scrap those plans and just BE together. No. Because if that were so, then I wouldn't be here pleading with Him to let me go Home now. BIG. Something big is in store. The Lord of all creation says that His work in my life is so important that I must stay here until it is completed. And so a smile makes its way across my face and I know He is loving me. How could His longing to be with me not be far surpass mine? O, the longings between us. They are great. All of creation waits and groans for the revealing of the sons of God and for the union of Christ and His lovely Bride. There really is no other like Him. None. Go ahead. Try to prove me wrong. You'll come right back to where I am. Wondering how and why He could love a wretch like me. But He does. And I love Him. We delight in each other and our joys abound. And so, until the fulfillment of my days, I will remain sorrowful yet always rejoicing as I am delighted by the Richest Affair...
So, some things have been coming my way lately that God has been using to challenge and refine my idea of living. My schedule has been thrown off and I've had to take things a little easier than I would like to, especially in the midst of the storm of dead week and upcoming finals. I experienced stuff that has made me feel like I am outside the sphere of life, on the outside looking in. It's as if I've been watching everyone else scurry about in serving the Lord in their lives in various ways and there I was uselessly sitting on a top shelf. But these are lies and not the beautiful Truth that comes forth from the lips of my Lord. Today I spent some time in Beck Chapel just praying and reading and God spoke some beautiful words to me. He brought to my mind John 14:6: Jesus answered them, "I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life and no one comes to the Father except through Me." Yeah, God, I know that you are Life. But He wanted to share with me some specifics. So in my private thoughts to Him I wrote: Nothing I do, say, think, or feel gives me life or makes me alive...not the blood in my veins, the breath in my lungs, the beat of my heart, nor the thoughts of my mind constitute my vitality. Jesus, You have given me life through the sacrifice of Your own. So that even if my heart stops beating, my breath ceases, or my mind fails, I still have life eternally in You. Praise to the Lord for He is good. How beautiful is that!
[And you He made a l i v e, who were dead in trespasses and sins, in which you once walked according to course of this world, according to the prince of the power of the air, the spirit who now works in the sons of disobedience, among whom also we all once conducted ourselves in the lusts of our flesh, fulfilling the desires of the flesh and of the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, just as the others. But God, who is rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in trespasses, made us a l i v e together with Christ (by grace you have been saved), and raised us up together, and made us sit together in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, that in the ages to come He might show the exceeding riches of His grace in His kindness toward us in Christ Jesus.--Ephesians 2:1-7]
Doesn't this bring new meaning to the idea of death losing its sting? Jesus has killed death for all those who believe in His name. Believers can now no longer be dead nor can we ever die because even leaving this earth means that to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord. |2 Cor 5:8|
Oh how the Lord blessed me today with joy through the hope that is His Son, Jesus Christ. Despite how I feel, physically or emotionally, I am living the fullness of Life through Him who saved me by His grace. This is Jesus and this is Life...
(Here it is with respect to the size of my hand)
